It hovers just outside my peripheral vision. It taps on the door, wants me to let it inside.
Two weeks ago, I would have already crashed by now. I can recognize the signs. The pressure in my head, the urge to just cry, to hide, the apathy, the anhedonia.
SSRIs must be working, because I don't seem to be crashing. I haven't gotten all that much done tonight — but after almost a week of solid all-evening work, working through the weekend, pushing for our paper deadline, it's probably just good that I drop off the grid for tonight.
But this here, this is a novel feeling. Almost crashing, but never quite. Feeling the lead-in to an emotional breakdown without it going all the way.
I can live with this.
Tuesday 15 January 2013
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Good luck. Without claiming any empathy with your symptoms, sometimes when one is a bit better it can be quite interesting to look in on what is happening in your head.
ReplyDeleteLike if I have a bad day and can think "Oh, this is a bad day, if I do X I'll still be miserable but at least I will have done X." If I can think that well it's not the worst kind of day, because on those days I can't think about the predicament I'm in.