This post isn't really a welcome to Depressed Academics. But today Duuras said this in a comment:
"I also have you all. I think about this blog a lot, actually..."
This really means a lot to me. A lot.
When we started this blog (Mikael and me), the number one thing we wanted was a place for people to talk about depression in their lives. From day one the slogan for the blog has been "Somewhere you can talk about it". This comes from what Mikael said in his beautiful post: "I think it is important we talk about these things." I find it beautiful that people I don't know, like Chantal and Duuras, are posting here and finding it of help. It is somewhere they can talk about it.
This blog has also meant a lot to me. When I have a bad day like the other day, thinking about how to express it in a blog post is a help to me.
I can never suppress the pang that comes when I love a post that somebody writes here about their pain. I think so many posts are beautiful, yet they come from pain. That's one reason that Duuras's comments means a lot to me: if it helps her then I am glad we can help by providing the forum.
And here is maybe the weirdest reason I love Duuras's comment. I often have imposter syndrome for this blog, since it has helped me enough that I have had many less bad days than before I started it. So I often feel guilty for not being depressed enough to be here. If somebody else finds this blog of help, I can worry less about being an imposter. (If you're reading this and have no idea how I could contort my mind to make myself feel miserable about feeling good, all I can say is: welcome to my world.)
As an academic I find collaboration beautiful too when it works well. This blog feels like a collaboration. Technically, I started this blog but I started it because of Mikael's wonderful post. So we started it together. Who was more important in starting it? Who cares? Not me. Since we started the blog Mikael and I have literally not talked about it. Emails yes, conversation no. But it's a real collaboration and a privilege to work with him. And now a privilege to work with Duuras and Chantal, and the others who have contributed like Greg and Evgenij.
This is a long post about this being somewhere you can talk about it. If YOU want to talk about it, please collaborate with us. We can post for you if you send us text, or we can add you as an author so you can post at any time. You can post as yourself, as anonymous, or under a pseudonym. We can even make up a pseudonym for you: the next ones off the block are Dean or Erin.
As I said, this post was not really a welcome. If you want the real welcome, go to our first post on January 13 this year.
http://depressedacademics.blogspot.ie/2013/01/why-depressed-academics.html
Thursday 6 June 2013
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Since we started the blog Mikael and I have literally not talked about it. Emails yes, conversation no. But it's a real collaboration and a privilege to work with him.
ReplyDeleteThis is how very many of my academic collaborations go too. Emails can take you very far; add instant messaging and voice is almost completely redundant. :-)
You say: "I often have imposter syndrome for this blog, since it has helped me enough that I have had many less bad days than before I started it. So I often feel guilty for not being depressed enough to be here."
ReplyDeleteTo which I respond: After so many years of therapy, I think I can actually say the one thing I know for sure is my feelings and experiences are valid. They might be different from other folks, but they are still very real to me. So even though someone may experience depression to a different degree than you, that doesn't mean your experience of depression or of a recurring suicidal thought is less. It's still bothersome; there is still room for improvement.
P.S. I appreciate this welcome. You all are so dang welcoming! :)
Would like to second everything in this reply... especially this:
Delete"So even though someone may experience depression to a different degree than you, that doesn't mean your experience of depression or of a recurring suicidal thought is less. It's still bothersome; there is still room for improvement."
Too many people with mental health issues tend to compete to have the worst condition. At least this seems to be what I have read in the press. In the end, all experiences are valid and we all want to feel better.
I think that's what I like most about this blog. It is room to chat/indulge for a while, in a non-judgmental environment
Thanks for the comments Chantal and Duuras. Of course I understand ... in fact actually the imposter syndrome is not a serious problem in this case for me. But I do find it curious/amusing that I only have it when I am doing well. If I have had a good run then if I come to post here I might feel a bit guilty. If I am miserable then I just post and don't worry.
DeleteSlightly made ironic by the fact that setting up D.A. has helped me a lot too, so it seems like having the blog to write and read has helped me be less unhappy and therefore more likely to feel like an imposter.